i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
