I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
