and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
