A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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