Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
