He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
