so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Randomize
