i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Randomize
