2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
