Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
