it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
