I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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