I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just gargled with NyQuil
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
