I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
