I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Can i not drive my cunt home
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
