Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
