One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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