she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
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Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
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My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
PANTIES FOUND
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