no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
