Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
