after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
