I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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