soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
All I want is dick and wine.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
