Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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