u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
