let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
