I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You are the jesus of drinking
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I want a musical about memes.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
