3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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