I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
