I'd wear matching sweaters with you
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize
