watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
