We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
