Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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