There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
