Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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