you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
