3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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