I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
