is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
