i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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