Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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