Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
