Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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