she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
