Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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