It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
