I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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