If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize