today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
