Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
