I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize