i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize