She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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