You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
