My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Randomize