I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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