I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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