shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
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I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
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Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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