He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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