You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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