what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
