Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
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Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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